Reminisce

AND IT NEVER ENDS.

2012-02-03T01:43:00.001-08:00

I was in a mad rush on the way to college to meet a deadline, and in the madness of things there were reminders of how ambition is not everything.

Seeing a man in a makeshift resting place by the side of the road kind of hit home the message that I do still take things for granted, that I am not doing enough and at the same time trying to accomplish too much at one go. Ambition isn't everything.

Striking up a conversation with a lady I've never met before got me thinking about how small the world can be even though it is so huge at the same time, that we are all people with needs and desires, and that sometimes we are not really that different from each other after all.

Feeling this tired, I realize I don't feel as fearful or as easily intimidated and that I just act on how I feel, because my mind's too worn out to do the thinking. If we all acted plainly based on how we felt inside, what would this world be like? What if we relied solely on our rationalizing instead of our heart? What then?

What if I'm just spewing all these words out of hunger? I was too busy chasing my ambition until I forgot lunch. I have no clue as to the link between an empty stomach and thoughts running in my mind, or perhaps I do. There I go contradicting myself again.

The End. I think.

Okay fine, NOW it's The End. The End for this post. THE END.

It never ends. MUAHAHA. As long as you think it, it lives on.

I think I'm just plain tired.

Remember to stop and smell the roses.

P.S.: Dear self,

2012-01-28T20:55:00.001-08:00

I MUST FINISH MY WORK EARLY.

Just a reminder to myself because I don't think I can stay sane without a good night's rest. The other day I freaked my friends in class out by behaving differently; in my own words, I was apparently "drunk on sleep debt".

The scar from lack of sleep is going to take ages to heal. People close to me tell me that from experience, and they say I'd be stupid not to learn from their mistakes. Some of them never recover from it even, and it'll be imprinted in their biological clock as damage that cannot be fixed. They carry it for life.

They may never get a good night's sleep, ever; that deep, recuperative sleep.

Balance. It's all about balancing everything, or at the very least, balancing the things that matter most to you.

Interrupted

2012-01-18T00:55:00.000-08:00

"Life is all about interruptions".

That was in reply to a neutral comment on getting distracted so much, and so easily.

I guess the different kinds of interruptions are made up of the kinds that you receive from others, the kinds that you yourself create and the kinds that are inevitably part of the cycle of nature.

I also guess that there are good interruptions and bad ones; pleasant ones and ugly ones; abrupt ones. I would add "gradual interruptions", but "interruption" in itself doesn't seem to sound like a long, draggy process, so I'd rather not.

A turn unexpectedly blocked off on the routine route to college. The inability to stick to the plan thanks to being too physically worn out for no apparent reason. The moment where one forgets, and remembers too late.

Are these truly interruptions or just misunderstood blessings in disguise?

It's inevitable, I guess, for life to throw random things at us every now and then, if not every time. We just have to make our way through them, over them, under them, around them even, in the hopes that we survive, and that life goes on. Even if we were to create or initiate our own "interruptions", we do it in the quiet hope that it impacts the world for the greater good.

The sky is changing

2012-01-14T20:22:00.000-08:00

I can't get the image of the sky out of my mind.

The warm, orange sky. Fluffy clouds gently moving and changing with the wind. The endless depth of it that you can fall into and keep falling in; that is, if gravity sucked you upwards instead of keeping you earth-bound. That, or if one had wings, maybe.

The kind of sky that you can find yourself staring at for minutes, hours perhaps, getting lost in your thoughts and just plainly seeing beauty for what it is.

Then it fades and it's gone.

Night falls.

The warmth that you felt inside of you never leaves though, at least not with that kind of sky.

Then you realize, that same sky is there all the time. It's just that sometimes it takes a twist or a new perspective to see it for the thing it really is, the things it embodies.

The sky is still the sky, the earth what it is, you're still you.

Something's changed, though. Maybe for the better.

*I think skies leave a big impression on me. They're so vast, so huge and endless. They or it. Or nothing, since the sky isn't actually something you can hold or touch, or even see as a single object. Maybe that's why it's so fascinating.

Don't mind me.

2011-12-29T21:22:00.001-08:00

I found myself saying, during a conversation recently, that I would never compromise the high expectations that I place on myself for work, even if it can be near impossible to reach them.

Yes, it could lead to prolonged unhappiness, dissatisfaction, frustration and all-out discontent internally, but the keyword here is that it "could". It could ruin me and it could leave me forever chasing a goal, or umpteenth goals for that matter, in a never-ending race that I might have set for myself. It could be the death of me even.

Here is the thing, though. I choose to keep this, these expectations of myself to perform and to soar and to just dream big without borders and to imagine, and alongside it I also keep a huge feeling of contentment at my not choosing to sacrifice these dreams and expectations for the sake of playing it safe, in setting my own standards in my own work. I cannot be unhappy setting high expectations of myself because to lower those expectations is to tell myself that I cannot, that I will not, that it is not possible to do this or that. I would be unhappier setting lower bars and being able to grab them so easily compared to blinding myself trying to reach for the sun in the sky.

The sun analogy may be a bit far-fetched (I wouldn't want to be blind, adding on to the impairments already present isn't such a pleasant thought) but it gives a rough idea of the way the act of aiming high and, at the very least, trying to reach that target can be so rewarding if one knows how to look at it.

It does sound worrying though, setting goals that one may never achieve in the end. The amount of stress, pressure, drowning that one might face is definitely going to be there, but then there's courage.

I just wish I could act faster and more efficiently on those goals and expectations rather than just sitting around dreaming big and merely thinking. I need to be able to separate the thought or idea of something, and the reality of it. I have to knock it into my head that thinking it doesn't mean that it exists.

Then again, some say we exist because we think, so do our ideas count as reality as long as we think it? There goes the mind-boggling self-debating mind.

All this could just be an excuse to put off assignments, or just an opportunity to rant and write the thoughts swimming in my head. I need to get it out, I'm restless, my mind's restless, and I have difficulty sitting myself down and working on something or anything. Writing and reading calms me, and so did drawing once, but for now it is just writing and reading.

Don't mind me.

Success in failure

2011-12-12T10:55:00.000-08:00

I know that failure is a lesson learnt, but I had never really thought of it as an essential part of success before. Undoubtedly we will fail some time at some point in life, it is inevitable and important for survival. However, John C. Maxwell's take on failure is that it is a must to fail in order to succeed. This is to change our mindsets that failure is something horrible and instead is actually a powerful and necessary stepping stone to achieving the goal in mind. In this sense, we would not be so rigid and afraid to try, in knowing that to fail is to be one step closer to succeeding in whatever it is that we are doing.

Is waiting good?

2011-09-22T05:48:00.000-07:00

It turns out that there is such a thing as an "incubation period" (Griffin & Morrison, 2010) during a creative process that aids a graphic designer or writer to come up with ideas. It is the period after one gathers as much information as one could on a certain topic through research and, basically, waits for that great idea to form itself.

"Waiting" in this sense is meant as allowing your mind to digest all the information gathered, as well as to sieve and mix-and-match the puzzle pieces that would otherwise be totally unrelated to each other. I wonder if it would not have been possible for, say, Doraemon to be formed had it not been for the artist taking time to figure out the perfect blend of "magic", "blue" and "cat" in order to combine them and cause them to become one and the same thing: a magical blue cat. I am sure that there was some form of waiting involved, whether consciously or subconsciously, in order for our childhood cartoon hero to materialize.

The problem now is determining the length of the incubation period that is ideal. How much time should we invest in waiting for that wonderful idea to come together? How would we know when to stop waiting for an accidental brilliant discovery and start to purposely look for one, especially if we had a deadline to meet? Is waiting even beneficial to our creative process? Does it enable us to calmly explore our minds and make full use of its creative possibilities or is it just an excuse for procrastination?

There has to be a balance. I believe we ought to make some room for the incubation of our ideas, allowing our imagination to swim freely for a period of time in order for the most unique and fresh concepts to appear. However, there should also be an awareness of the time duration given, as well as an inner motivation to actively search, find and ultimately bring to life the ideas bubbling in our minds. Figuring out the perfect balance would depend and would vary from person to person, so hopefully we find it early enough while we learn.

(I have been trying to make it a habit to cite references when writing, so here's some.)

References:

Griffin, W. G. & Morrison, D. (2010) Creative Process Illustrated: How Advertising's Big Ideas Are Born. Philadelphia: F & W Media.

Try to see; try and see

2011-09-16T09:14:00.000-07:00

I see its impact now.

We have been trained repeatedly to develop a structure, a system for our conceptual developments.

In my case, the repeating processes for the different modules has begun to unfold its effects on my mind.

I see an object, it sparks an idea, a concept, and has the potential to be turned into so many things. However, it has no strength because I now know that it is only a small part of an entire, whole concept that is more powerful, so I store that spark of inspiration in one of the imaginary shelves of my mind and wait in anticipation of the full-blown concept to magically pop into my head, giving me a bird's eye view of the entire scope of the idea instead of just using that one object as the focus.

I may not seem to be making sense but my fellow Graphic Design mates may get what I'm trying to describe: a below-average-level process of conceptual development.

The problem with my thinking process is that I have the tendency to wait for the concept to come to me. "Wait" is a dangerous word, study-wise, because a good student would go out and search hard for better knowledge, better understanding, better thinking and better ideas, rather than passively receiving input. I have got to be more pro-active.

Another problem of mine is the time factor. It's common for students to have time management problems, and I believe my problem is due to bad estimation and horrible procrastination. The work that needs to be done will never be done until it is done NOW. I need to remind myself of that. Besides, if the idea for an assignment is exciting and powerful enough, it should not have to be that hard to actually get down to it immediately.

Procrastination, shoo. Go away.

Easier said than done eh. I'm gonna try. Trying to fight. :)

Stories to tell

2011-08-12T21:53:00.000-07:00

It's so heartwarming when you smile at a passing stranger and they smile back. Aunties, especially. You see them, and you nod and smile in acknowledgement, and what seemed like a frown at first transforms into this gentle, warm smile and you wonder what her story is; it sparks a sense of intrigue about people and the stories behind each person you pass by.

A group of elderly uncles sitting together at a mall, chatting.

A father lifting up his daughter from his wife's lap.

The salesperson who tells you about the pretty things that catch your eye in the shop.

A blind uncle.

The lady who walks quickly but glances at you for one second.

The security guard eyeing everybody's move.

So many stories. I want to be a storyteller of some sort, hopefully one day I'll be able to be one. The kinds of storytelling vary widely; storytellers could be painters, photographers, cartoonists, authors, speakers, filmmakers. These, and more.

I am so far behind, I need to buck up already. Help?

Do Dream

2011-07-29T10:50:00.000-07:00

I realize that I'm more easily inspired by the little things in life nowadays. Things that we see everyday, things that we take for granted, things that seem so common, can all be taken and turned into something special, something extraordinary.

One of my challenges now is getting more accustomed to the process of transforming that spark, that idea, that inspiration, into something solid, into reality. We students have been through quite a few of these kind of processes (a lot, actually, but it's not much compared to how much more we'll experience ;) ), but I think I still have to learn how to maximize it. To turn an imaginary thing into reality is one thing, to do it excellently is another. I hope I can someday reach a certain level of consistency where visions created in my mind can be more easily transferred to real life, through me.

Being a dreamer was satisfying at one time, but now dreaming alone isn't enough. I've got to make myself become both a dreamer and a do-er. I know I can. I just gotta push myself harder.

vast

2011-07-08T11:38:00.000-07:00

I still have a whole lot of growing up to do. There's still so much to learn, so much to know, so much to take in and so much to try.

There's mistakes to be made and learnt from, failures to be acknowledged and to strengthen us further. Being lost or down doesn't make you weaker, it doesn't make you any less the person you are. It makes you stronger, you come out more determined, more inspired, more hungry.

There are more important things to fret about. The world, the country. The people. The children, the elderly, the handicapped. There's so much out there. So many issues, so many things that can be done, one forgets the bigger picture of things sometimes. Perspective.

It frustrates me when there's so much out there, and yet our minds may not have been exposed to all these different things, and we don't realize it because we don't know. One could say that the reason for the ignorance of things is that one had not been informed, but herein lies another issue: one shouldn't have to wait to be told, one should learn to explore and to ask, and to search and to wonder. It bothers me that sometimes one is not aware of the vastness of the world, of knowledge and of the things out there, of the many ways that things work, and that sometimes the world is not such a rigid, one way street and there are so many paths, so many interconnecting, overlapping links, there's just so much, and I'm overwhelmed and in awe.

It frustrates me when I try to explore and break out and do things differently, and I realize just how much I've missed out on, on how much I don't know, one could have had been given more opportunities to explore ideas and train the mind to be more open to alternatives in the earlier ages of life, and I realize how sometimes one's mind can become sleepy, to the extent that one is too used to being spoon-fed knowledge, it hinders us from making full use of our minds and makes us tend to sit around and expect things to come to you instead of going on the adventure of seeking out information, of building one's knowledge, of feeding oneself, of being less dependable on other parties and becoming whole and individual and worldly-wise.

I've still got to work on becoming stronger in terms of exploration, experimentation, and in coming up with new ideas, in creating things no one has ever seen before, but I now know that when an idea, a concept is so strong, so different, so new, it paves the way for you and somehow everything seems to fall into place, or that you will find it easy to work it out, to put it to use, because its strength can draw others to its cause and it naturally takes a life of its own.

There's so much more to learn, to know, to create, to imagine, to wonder. So much more, and I've still got a long way to go.

in awe

2011-05-28T09:05:00.000-07:00

I’m fascinated.

..and the more I realize how much I don’t know, the more fascinated I become.

Knowledge is wide. To quote a lecturer, having access to so much knowledge is like living in a “Wonderland”.

You just can’t get over the fact that there’s so much out there, it feels like infinity or something.

Endless.

I need to learn to embrace it. I shouldn’t be intimidated by it, I shouldn’t fear it, in fact I should take it head on, stare it in the face (uh.. maybe look it in the face, then) and befriend it. “It" being what, exactly?

I’m not sure. Knowledge, maybe. Something else? Perhaps. I’m still unsure. I don’t know, but I think I’ll find out eventually, figure it out along the way, and see.

It's a new day

2011-05-14T08:21:00.000-07:00

..and we're just around the corner to a new start, a new year, kind of.

Wow. I feel I've grown a lot. I see things differently, yet I am still made up of the same things which make me, me. Or are they not the same things anymore? I can't tell, yet.

A lot happens in one year.

..and another year is going to come, and go.

The journey goes on.

...

Friends. I am so grateful for them. All of them.

..because they help to shape me into who I am, into who I will be.

..though, of course, most of finding, becoming and ultimately being me will have to come from my own efforts, from myself.

How hard am I willing to try?

As the deer pants for the water

So my soul longs after You

You alone are my heart's desire

And I long to worship You.

their advice

2011-04-28T21:51:00.000-07:00

"Don't be afraid to make mistakes. This is the time for you to try everything. It's okay if you fail, as long as you learn from it. You're at that age where you absorb everything you learn really quickly, so it's the best time to explore and learn, unlike at our age when we start slowing down and it takes so much effort to learn new things. Explore and have fun, you're not young everyday".

Once upon a time, we strode towards the sea

2011-04-27T02:34:00.001-07:00

..and we just stood there and gazed at the stars, with wide eyes and gaping mouths, in awe of the sight in the endless night sky.

Beautiful.

reading a sketch

2011-04-26T09:43:00.000-07:00

I read a book for the first time in a long time that day. Gosh I miss reading.

Imagination's a great source for creating stories and weaving characters, but I've realized and learnt to keep in mind that sometimes, the best source can be real life.

I've found comfort wandering around shopping malls before and sketching people, even if it is as an obligation to my assignments of weekly sketching. By doing so, I had been able to give myself a chance to observe these people, and guess their life stories, and watch them go about doing their own things.

The way they dress, the way they walk, the way they laugh and talk. It all becomes plentiful reference for creating unique characters of our own imagination, although I believe that there are some of the best characters out there created from scratch without any references.

I ought to do some sketching one of these days, too. Practice makes perfect, right? :)

writing, fighting

2011-04-18T08:00:00.000-07:00

Writing makes me feel better, but recently I haven't been able to write when it comes to putting my thoughts on paper. That day, when I wrote an informal report on my learning process for a subject, I was reminded of the way I tend to understand myself better once I structurally lay out everything before me properly, in text form.

I find that I cannot learn efficiently when I allow things to be.. vague. I realize that I have to be certain, I have to know exactly what is required and how it should be done before I can execute something correctly.

I found my process and progress in assignments to be, on average, irregular. For some assignments I'd be so satisfied with the effort I put in that I know it doesn't matter what I get in the end, what grade I get for it, because I know I tried hard. For others, however, I hated that I lost track of the requirements, lost track of time, and lost track of my own idea, my own standards. In some of those assignments, I felt that I managed to redeem myself a little, somewhat, by realizing a little too late about my loss of progression and improvement and working on fixing it with whatever time that was left.

The course I went through had been good for me. It pushed me to realize something, or some things, to make me ask myself: What am I doing? Whom am I doing it for? Why am I doing it? What are my expectations and am I meeting them? Am I giving my best, and why would I try so hard in the first place? How badly do I want this? Am I doing all I can do in order to achieve what I want? How important is this to me compared to the other things in my life?

Design has become a lot of things to me. It has taught me to open my eyes and my mind wide, so wide so that I'm more open to different things now, compared to last time. I still need to pry open my shell, still have a lot to learn. Yet, the effect is there already.

I now know that text can come alive, with every letter and symbol becoming a 'person', with characteristics and body parts and intricate shapes.

I pay more attention to the details around me. I have to, because I now know that the answers in solving design problems can sometimes be found in my own surroundings, in nature, in objects and the like.

I find people who are different, beautiful.

I know I still have this hunger, to excel and to be my best all the time, deep inside somewhere, but something is still holding me back. I hate making this an excuse, but the wall is still there, and I need to break it, to deal with it.

I still need to figure myself out.

quote a quote

2011-01-24T08:42:00.000-08:00

Found this quote while researching on poverty:

"Think rich, look poor".

Andy Warhol, pop artist

Name sound familiar?

It caught my eye because I learnt a little about the artist in class. Seems like its meaning isn't so straightforward. At the first glance, I thought it meant:

enrich your thinking while dressing poorly to hide it.

Hm.

Then when I thought about it some more, it could actually mean:

be humble while your mind is rich with knowledge, or

be rich in thought but don't show off and all (wait, this is the same as the above, right?) or even

dream big but still maintain a low profile or something.

..so I guess it depends on the person interpreting it. ;)

two-point perspective

2011-01-19T08:03:00.000-08:00

Two opposites: Satisfaction and dissatisfaction. Felt them both in these past few days.

I tend to feel more satisfied about my work when I've gone all out for it (we all will), i.e. sacrificing sleep and whatnot, but when you work hard for something AND nail it at the end, the satisfaction you get, it's.. it's just like.. you feel like all of it was worth it, and you'd definitely do it all the same way, if you had to do it all over again.

Then there's the other end. Dissatisfaction. It attempts to make you feel like you've failed or are gonna fail, you didn't maximize your efforts, and sometimes, it can make you think you're useless, especially when you realize you can't do much to change it anymore, to improve on it even, and you'll have the nagging thought that it could be better, should be better, way better, than it currently is. ..but there's nothing you can do about it anymore.

Upon feeling both of these, I find that, as long as I tried, as long as I put effort into it, it all has to mean something, has to have something that I can learn from it, from the process as well as the outcome. There's always the danger of harbouring on the thought of failure, or becoming over-confident after a form a success is achieved and letting either one of these things hinder you from carrying on, from continuously trying your best.

Basically, the past is the past. The now is what matters.

ideas, ideas.

2011-01-13T11:08:00.001-08:00

It's amazing how sometimes an idea can begin to feed itself when you're on the go.

I guess it's because you're out and about, and your senses are alert to the things around you. The sound of cars, the sight of random objects, the smell.. your subconscious probably picks it all up and takes it all in without your knowing and tries to piece it together with the seed of an idea that's brewing in your mind. When it does fit, it's as if the idea has found a life of its own and is beginning to move, to expand in a certain way, in a possible direction.

Wonder what direction mine will take in the end. Gotta wait and see.

Ready, get set..

2010-12-30T22:21:00.000-08:00

Brace yourself. Sem 3 is almost here.

Let's try our best guys! Let's go all out and give it our best shot! XD

...and have fun while we're at it!

I feel like I need to push myself more, to try harder, to aim higher.

I just need to be careful not to get too frustrated with myself 'til it affects my work.

C'mon, we have to try. ;)

Let's do this.

journey in process

2010-10-15T07:11:00.000-07:00

Hm. How do I say this?

I've realized something. I know we're advised not to place so much importance on grades. We've been told from the start. It's the process that counts. It's the journey.

I thought I understood what that meant.

..but lately I think I see things a little differently now.

I'd want A's, if I could get them, of course. ..but sometimes, I think I've worried too much about the grade and have forgotten that.. how do I say this? ..The growth process. The growing and learning, and the learning and expanding, and expanding and improving, you know? Wait, I'm not explaining it right.

It's like this: Of course we should target the highest level possible, do the best we can to be the best we can be. ..but it matters how we, how I go about it. I realized that.. I should give it my best, and at the same time be open to failure, to mistakes and to shortcomings that I might make or find in myself, and take notice of these things and acknowledge them positively. ..and I realized that it's okay, and that I can change, and learn and improve if I want to, anytime that I want to. And that a high grade is awesome, but the process of getting that grade or at least attempting to get it can be so impactful, it shapes you and moulds you, and sometimes I forget that.

As long as I keep in mind that.. the journey can give me plenty to absorb and take, I think I'll have a different perspective on how we learn things, how we see things, how we are never perfect and how we always have room to grow.

"Dare to fail". Lecturer, on being brave enough to try extraordinary things

"The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know." 1 Corinthians 8:2

"He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool. Shun him.
He who knows not, and knows that he knows not, is a child. Teach him.
He who knows, and knows not that he knows, is asleep. Wake him.
He who knows, and knows that he knows, is a leader. Follow him." Omar Khayam, 13th century philosopher

breakthrough

2010-09-09T20:12:00.000-07:00

I think I'm finally onto something.

XD

Classes started with a bang.

Superheroes, here we come.

;)

a gift we call the present

2010-08-26T03:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, the past seems more appealing than the current moment in time.

Sometimes, the future looks more promising.

..and sometimes, we tend to forget that the present is a gift. ;)

A gift

to weave more beautiful memories,

to determine the future,

to live

and to love.

Phew. :)

2010-08-21T04:05:00.000-07:00

On different occasions this week, I have:

..let go

..let out

..let live

..basically another typical week for me. XD

instant noodles.

2010-08-19T01:35:00.000-07:00

We all want things.

Happy endings.

That new gadget you've been eyeing.

Success.

Instant noodles.

Yeah.. instant noodles.. hahah.

..but not everything can be as instant as instant noodles, I guess.

..not everything turns out, or plays out the way you want it or expect it to.

Nothing is what it seems, sometimes.

It's not all the time that what you think is best for you, is actually the best for you.

Hm.

..but then again..

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” - Reinhold Niebuhr

hungry for more

2010-08-13T23:29:00.000-07:00

Friday the 13th was great. :)

I feel like I've learnt a lot these past few months. I've never been so conscious of my growth and learning process before.

(..Not that I didn't grow and learn before this, it's just.. maybe I've never realized, not fully, how we grow and absorb things and change for the better, all the time. Until now.)

It's been awesome. ..and I'm looking forward for more.

New sight.. kinda.

2010-07-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

Oh my gosh. It's happening.

They said that we'll begin to see art in everything.

The textures.

The lines.

The dots.

The colours.

The proportions?

The tones..

.........and more I think? :)

..but yeah.

It's not THAT obvious to me, YET, but I can see that I'm beginning to see things a bit.. um.. what was it?

..seeing things a bit differently, I guess.

It's weird that it's harder to sketch an average-looking person compared to a perfect-looking one.

("Perfect-looking" as in the person has the most 'ideal proportions'. I think.)

It takes up more effort. ;)

..Oh wait, maybe it's not weird at all. Heheh. x)

Makes you appreciate all kinds of faces.

:) <-- Yes, even this one!

Hi.

2010-07-03T07:16:00.000-07:00

Could one cry without tears?

Could one hurt without physical pain?

Could one be on fire without.. well, fire?

Could...

...Aiya, can't think of anymore. XP

..which reminds me of my Design assignment!

(..because it involves words too. Kinda.)

Creating a piece with alphabets and colour groups.

Oh wait, it's FOUR designs, not one.

....

Glad that this course is forcing - I mean, teaching (haiya, both la LOL) - me to learn how to manage my time well all by myself.

Hanging in there! xD

make it count

2010-06-20T07:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I wonder what's stopping me from trying my best.

Sometimes I think.. is it fear?

No... not really?

.. some dark force from somewhere?

Nah.

Most of the time, I think it's..

Myself.

You know, I think this is all in my head. I just gotta get this mindset tweaked a little, and I'll be just fine, I think. Get my priorities straight.

Hm. When was the last time that I really truly tried my hardest?

:)

I know when.

Though I wasn't exactly in my best form, I felt like.. I felt so.. like, every second mattered, every second counted, and I did my best, and I regretted none of it. In fact, I left feeling... good, really good. Light and happy and I literally couldn't stop smiling, and I felt like crying and laughing and just taking it all in.. even though we lost, it was a special moment for me. Yes, we lost the game, and it's crazy, right, for me to feel.. to have felt that way then, but that was how I felt.

I don't think I've ever tried that hard since.

Oh man. I hope I feel that same feeling again at the end of college. That feeling of knowing that I tried hard. Played hard. To the extent that it doesn't matter, the outcome doesn't matter. Because I made every second count.

one fine day

2010-06-15T03:55:00.000-07:00

..there was a girl who was walking down the street. Her eyes glanced at a taxi which had just pulled over to the side. A stranger emerged from the vehicle. A sweet-looking guy. Cute, tall, lanky fella. He noticed her and looked her way. He looked friendly. The girl gave a small smile - managed a little wave even - as she continued to walk at the same pace. The guy then crossed the street, and she carried on to her destination, feeling that the tiny turn of events made her entire day.

In reality:

..there was a girl who was walking down the street. Her eyes were cast down and barely noticed a taxi which had just pulled over to the side. A stranger emerged from the vehicle. A sweet-looking guy. Cute, tall, lanky fella. He noticed her and looked her way. He looked friendly. The girl gave a glance, and looked away as she saw him, as she continued to walk at the same pace. The guy then crossed the street, and she carried on to her destination, feeling that familiar pang of loss at not having said - at the very least - 'Hi'.

*
*
*

My dog looked like she was smiling! She always looks all smiley when her mouth's open and her tongue's hanging out. Dripping saliva on a hot hot day hahaha..

:)

for now

2010-06-08T06:52:00.001-07:00

College.

So far, so good.

:)

Everyone's pretty cool. I like my class and lecturers. Um.. we have assignments just about every week, but it's alright, because this could be, like, what we do in the future when we're working. Deadlines every week. ..so it's kinda like practice. Really early practice. Heheh. Preparation.

Right. Hm.

Oh ya, the Internet connection at home works now. Hasn't been for the past few weeks. Glad that.. I know that I can function still, without Internet access at home. x) Heheh. We didn't always have the Internet, did we? XD

Pomplamoose's latest VideoSong. :D

you make me smile :)

2010-05-10T06:27:00.001-07:00

The bonding session really changed things between us.

Or maybe it's just me.. realizing just how adorable you are.

Love you, girl. :)

think about things

2010-04-28T04:32:00.001-07:00

I dislike how we sometimes realize the true value of something only after we don't have it anymore. Can't be helped I guess, happens all the time.

Gotta stop taking things for granted. =/

achievements achieved

2010-04-20T09:19:00.001-07:00

My achievements this break:

Picked up something new (um, more like a few things heh.)

Somewhat tidied up a part of my room (yay. Progress, right?)

Met new people

Appreciated the things around me a little more

Realized that I felt a bit "lost" and began working on fixing it

Worked hard at something ( or at least, I put in more effort than I usually do heheh. I think.)

Remembered that my achievements are not there solely because of me (thanks Big-Guy-Up-There-In-The-Sky!)

So far, so good. I hope.

..but according to HIM :)

2010-04-09T00:18:00.000-07:00

I was driving with the radio playing in the background.

"According to you
I'm stupid, I'm useless,
I can't do anything right."

Inside, I was feeling.. wait, "lost" may not be the right word for it, what would be a better word? I dunno, numb maybe. It was just one of those days.

"According to you,
I'm difficult, hard to please,
Forever changing my mind."

Heh. That's what I thought of myself sometimes. Indecisive and.. okay I'm not hard to please; I'm easily happy over anything, actually. Easy-going me. Heh. Anyway.. stoning in the car while listening, it eventually came to the chorus and:

"But according to HIM,
I'm beautiful, incredible,
He can't get me out of HIS head."

I don't know why I felt this emphasis on the HIM and HIS. And the HE too I guess heheh. But yeah.. and I just thought of God - more like, the thought of Him popped into my mind- and I was reminded.

"According to HIM,
I'm funny, irresistible,
Everything HE ever wanted".

Ngeh I know the song's supposed to be about a boy, but I.. dunno, I was just thinking of Him that whole time. Uh waitaminute I do not think I'm funny and irresistible! But that's not the point hahah

I'm just glad He reminded me again. :)

let go and just.. go

2010-03-30T22:04:00.000-07:00

I feel like a burden's been lifted off me.

:)

I can do this.

>:)

the good and bad, the happy and sad

2010-03-19T03:52:00.000-07:00

"Happy, get together. Sad, get together".

That's my family for you. :)

What's all the racquet about? xD

2010-02-28T22:57:00.000-08:00

There were free tickets to the Malaysian Open 2010 tennis tournament, so I just called the office and ta da.. Got tickets.

They had a colour for each day.

The singles finalists:

Left: Alisa Kleybanova, and right: Elena Dementieva

The crowd doing the wave

Getting started

By the way, they are super tall. Like, if I stood next to Kleybanova (the one in the dark blue dress), the top of my head would be about.. um, few inches or more? More I think.. below her shoulder. Like what one of us said: "We're like dwarves to them!"

Serving..

I didn't take photos during the doubles final. Winners were Zheng Jie and Chan. Spunky duo, the two of them. xD

Singles runner-up was:

while the champion was:
She got a $37000 mock cheque, by the way.

Apparently Dementieva, the runner-up was higher ranking compared to Kleybanova the champion. Cool. :D

Shows us what sheer determination can do. x)

Oh yeah, we thought that the reason behind the free tickets was that it was SO HOT during the day (it was around the last week of CNY I think) so they had to give out free ones to attract people to go and watch. Yes it wasn't shaded, the court I mean (or should I say courts?). :P

On another note:
Lee Min-Ho acted in Our School's E.T.??? (He's the guy in Boys Over Flowers by the way) whoah. The hair sure makes a big difference lol. Now I wonder why I didn't recognize the guy? Same face, just different hair hahah

hairy issue

2010-02-22T19:55:00.000-08:00

I think I'm suffering from post-almost-got-my-hair-cut-short disorder. Haha..

Possible symptoms:

Constant looking in the mirror imagining what might've been if I hadn't chickened out.

Persistent questions regarding how I'd look in short hair.

Wondering, wondering and more wondering.. =P

There was one moment when I thought, I should've just gotten that short hair and get it over with! At least I'll know how bad/good I'll look in it, finally. =/

=.=

But the whole situation's kinda funny heheh.

Sees Kimberley's post. Then Jie Ying's post. Remembers Pam's post.

Guess my auntie's right. Our "crowning glory" sure plays an important role haha.

slowly but surely?

2010-02-21T17:09:00.000-08:00

Glad I went yesterday!

Taking another step forward.

gotta live like you're dying

2010-02-16T20:17:00.000-08:00

Cheers to:

second chances

cousins (both sides! ♥)

paintball

Chinese New Year

dreams

tidy rooms

random awesome songs on the radio

speedy recoveries (thank God you're recovering so quickly!)

and love. ("For God so loved the world.." x) )

step by step

2010-02-14T08:30:00.000-08:00

Ta daa. Got a new blog template. Wanted to try something different.

In fact, I feel like trying something different in a few other things. Maybe learning a new musical instrument? Get a haircut, or something?

Taking things one step at a time. Trying to pry open the shell, little by little.

all over the place

2010-02-07T08:32:00.000-08:00

Forgot how much I loved badminton.

Some movies are just beautiful. Like a piece of art(or is it pieces of art?). Masterpieces.

If all dreams were supposed to make sense somehow, then what would our dreams mean?

Music. What if I could master the piano instead of letting it limit what I can do?

a rope and breaking it down

2010-01-26T04:22:00.000-08:00

I think faith can be something like holding on to a rope. You hold it with your bare hands, and if you let go you fall. Sometimes someone is there to help you hold on, whether literally or in the form of moral support. Sometimes, we can only realize how high up (or how near the ground) we actually are when we somehow loosen our grip. The fall could be caused by an enemy's coaxing, or by our own decision to let go, or distraction (or other reasons?), but the injuries sustained are what will make you realize why you had been holding on the first place.

On another note, I think that sometimes you can only know what something is made of after you've broken it down until it is.. what's the right word for it?... bare? Clear? Argh I'm sure there's a word for it. Sometimes you'll have to just remove everything so that you can (albeit slowly) discover which pieces of the puzzle are essential and really matter. Like your identity, for instance. Sometimes, when you've lost track and don't know who you are anymore, you may choose to strip yourself bare of everything that you think makes you you (or what you think others think makes you you. Gosh that sounds weird. xD), and slowly pick and put back the pieces of you that you find is true to yourself and who you want to be.

Just more thoughts in my head. =)

once

2010-01-18T08:15:00.000-08:00

Focus not so much on what could have been or what could be, but more on what is. Focus on the things that's of the present and what you can do about it now.

Maybe later on you'll see what will be as a result of what you do (or maybe you won't).

There's a time and place for everything.

thoughts in my head

2010-01-16T00:45:00.000-08:00

When you give something to a beggar, you're helping the guy(or lady) out, but if they happen to belong to a syndicate or something, you're indirectly supporting 'em so they'll keep sending 'em out to do the same thing: begging. If you don't donate or anything, and they're genuine beggars, then, you're depriving them I guess, but even if they're not, they're still gonna get into trouble. So, what do you do?

When you're under pressure to perform, you're either gonna explode, freeze up or just push harder. What do you do?

Durian, the King of Fruits. You either love it or hate it. What do you choose?

♥

Past song

2010-01-07T04:14:00.000-08:00

Songs of the past seem so charming to me for some reason.

(..and when I say "songs of the past", I mean oldies xD)

Song on the radio
Hearing it in audio
Tweak it to stereo
I'm thinking of Oreo(???)

LOL.

While on the road

2010-01-03T07:44:00.000-08:00

Whoa there, you grey mare,
Hold your horses for a bit!
What's the hurry? All is blurry -
Stop and think a minute, git!

You try to whiz, float past like fiz,
Dashing, gnashing 'cross the fields
But just think - in a wink,
You could be tumbling down the hills.

If you tumble, you might grumble
But you neglect the fact
That someone precious will get gashes -
Tossed right off your back.

So then, next time, do not whine
Or yearn for the wild
The wind in your hair may give you flair
Or pair you with death in the aisle.

I'm feeling inspired to play with words and write and write and write right now haha.. I did it again! "..write right now". xD Try saying that out loud.

I need more ideas. Got the idea for this one (poem) while driving. Yeah, it's not really about a horse. Maksud tersirat lah. =P

Aveena! Write some more poems. I read one of yours before I wrote this 'kay. Kinda gave me semangat haha.. Oh wait I typed it but anyways! A poem's a poem. ;P

New Year's.

2010-01-01T08:20:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! =)

Now that a new year is here,
Ensure that your chariot's rear
Is clear of things that make you tear
To brace yourself to face your fear.

Embrace new things that come along
Skippity-skip and hum a song
Grip tight a shield as you go long,
You may or may not fall headlong.

Mud on your face is nothing
A cut or graze can't do a thing
Spirit held high when you sing
Of new things that time soon will bring.

Like a soldier off to war
Sent off in a chariot, or
On foot, but it doesn't matter, for
Both are same; 2010's the core.

You will soon find that time itself
Does know how to fly by in stealth
So do not put at bay your health
It will not pay to waste that wealth.

So long, ta ta, two thousand and nine
Two thousand and ten will now be thine
Take heed, take action, be ready to climb
A mountain, a fountain of dreams unwind.

Poem for the new year. =P

Limerick, anyone?

2009-12-22T04:11:00.000-08:00

I'm inspired to write and type
A certain poem that I'd like
But I can't figure
What's the matter
For my lightbulb shows no light.

Thought of the day?

2009-12-11T23:50:00.000-08:00

Hm.

I had this whole idea of what i was gonna post right here, but I think it kinda faded away.

Lemme try and remember now..

Something about me having the ability to seeing two sides of things. (Okay, now that I've got the ball rolling.. ) I tend to see pros and cons to things. Like, if there's two choices, I'd see the good and the bad for both. I think that's what makes me an indecisive person sometimes. I see both paths, both viewpoints, both things as worthwhile no matter what choice I make. There's always something that will come out of either one, something I could learn, something I can see in it. My optimism may be my strength, but it could be my weakness as well. It could leave me neutral, without a strong sense of opinion, sitting on the fence as I consider two sides.

I surprised myself the other day. I made a decision. Okay, we make decisions everyday, but.. Well, this involved a degree course. I decided to take it. I chose to. After hovering and pondering for about less than a week, I just.. I just knew. (Credits to God for guidance and my family for advice. And the counsellor too!)

It's weird. I was literally struck by FEAR when I suddenly realized that I had that option, besides the one I was already considering. Now I'm choosing the one that I was afraid of doing. Ha..

Yeah, that's about it I think. My string of thought for the day :)

My heart is torn between two,
Oh no, what do I do?

Hopefully

2009-12-07T21:42:00.000-08:00

I look forward to:

Unexpectedly hearing neighbours singing Christmas carols when I'm outside my house

Talking to my long-time-never-talked-to-or-hung-out-with friends (which reminds me, I have a phone call to make)

Driving all by myself (I only did so once, so far)

Christmas (Jesus' brithday! =) )

YouTube-ing

Sleeping in/Waking up late (same thing, right?)

Movies!! (I haven't watched New Moon. Then there's Jump, Storm Warriors.. what else ar?)

Watching TV without feeling pangs of guilt afterward

Um.. holidays? Oh yeah holidays! That would give me ample time(hopefully) to achieve all of the above (and more maybe?).

Right.

For now...

Study time. =P

Pomplamoose

2009-11-09T08:15:00.000-08:00

2009-11-08T07:34:00.000-08:00

When you're afraid, it makes you blind to the open doors that are around you. When you let fear grip your heart, it makes you push away, or turn away from the things that you think are making you afraid, but, in reality, those things, those very things might've been the very ones that would have given you so much joy had you grabbed that chance. Unspoken words, unexplained fear, unexpected feelings of overwhelming excitement."No", when you should've said "Yes". "Yes", when you should've said "No". Back out for no other reason except fright. Stand up and stand tall. Don't be afraid to fall. At least you tried. You tried to stand for what you believe in.Found some sayings:

"Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway. " - John Wayne

"Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared. " -
Eddie Rickenbacker

Be careful when you try to hide what you feel, because you may just end up giving the wrong message instead.

have to watch/read!

2009-11-01T07:45:00.000-08:00

Some movies I've watched and recommend to watch:

Departures (Japanese movie) - Won Academy Award for Best Foreign Language Film. It's about a guy who was a cellist, at least until his orchestra disbanded. Then he moved back hometown with his wife to find another job and he finds an advertisement for a job titled "Departures". He thought it was a travel agency, but it's actually a casketing/encoffinment agency. He has to help preprare people who has "departed". Touching movie because he meets different people who come to pay their last respects and learns the art of casketing, which is considered a "dirty" job by some people.

Our School's E.T. (Korean movie) - Korea Film Festival is on at Midvalley's GSC. It's free! The tickets I mean. Go watch go watch! The other Korean movies are probably good too. ;) This one is about a gym teacher who could lose his job because the school has to cut down on gym class time to make way for English and other subjects. Since he loves the students and teaching, he takes up the challenge of becoming an English teacher. He becomes known as the school's E.T.

[Edit: My mistake, he was already nicknamed "E.T." by the students even before he taught English. Could be because he was different from the other teachers]

Both movies are super touching and have a great story to tell! There's funny parts too. Gosh I hope I get to find more movies like these. =)

Oh! I found a beautiful graphic book. It's called 'The Arrival' by Shaun Tan. It's all drawings and pictures and no words, but you can "read" the story just by looking at the pictures. Awesome... xD

My Steps for Stepping out of It

2009-10-09T20:53:00.000-07:00

POEM: My Steps for Stepping Out of It

by me, Wei Lyn. :D

I wonder, if I try
To find a remedy
To zap the things that make me cry
and heal, finally.

I wonder, would it work?
No harm trying, right?
Or would I go berserk
And let the hurt bite?

First of all I'd play
An instrument I own
My fingers would dance as I lay
My hands, my heart, on the piano.

When I'm done with step one
And my heart still hurts,
Then I'd share it with someone
My story told in spurts.

If I'm still unhappy,
I'd try a Happy Meal.
If it is sunny,
I'd jog up and down the hill.

I could take a nap
To try to unwind
Have a dream or two, so that
I can clear my mind.

Or I could take a pencil
And sketch something from scratch
Maybe if I scribble
My heart would then be patched.

If everything I try,
Comes to no avail,
I might just start to cry
It makes me better, a little.

When desperation calls,
I'd turn to Jesus Christ
I'd pray that, since He knows it all
I'll let Him be my eyes
To understand what's going on
The pain that is inside
I'd give it to the Son
The pain, disappointment and pride.

Lovingly He listens, as
Silently, I pray
Then I hope for the best-
Tomorrow becomes today.

Does any of it work?
I guess it just depends
Maybe you could try it first
And see the outcome in the end.

:)

[Inspired by a poem *hintAveenahint* and a question. =P]

deceived (almost!)

2009-10-08T08:49:00.000-07:00

8.40pm --> Computer's clock

-----------

-------

---

The correct time --> 10 minutes to midnight

=.=" For a moment, I seriously thought it was 8-something. Hahah. xD

Aveena's poem so cool. I wanna write a poem too! *inspired*

Which reminds me.. Lately, I've been watching a lot of videos on YouTube.. or you could say I was YouTubing a lot. Same thing hahah.

I try to look for original songs. Some are really cool, some are okay. =) ..but it's always nice to see other people's work and see what they come up with and all.

OH, I look out for animation videos too!

Thought I'd share some. Here is juliapot's My First Crush. =)

in a dream

2009-09-28T08:26:00.000-07:00

Mermaid. Last time, I used to swim underwater pretending that I was a mermaid in the middle of the ocean. =P I felt like that again swimming in Kuantan. Forgot how fun swimming can be.

watched:

I'm a Cyborg, but That's OK

Cute and weird and nicely-filmed Korean movie with Rain acting. No wonder he looked familiar. Cool special effects. I like the soundtrack. Gah I like the movie,it's so unique xD

Perhaps Love

Chinese romantic movie musical. Artistic filming. Musical mah. =P

Project Runway Finals

..the one with Christian as the winner.

recently played:

Final Fantasy X

Riight, I think that's all. xD

lost and gonna be found

2009-09-13T04:56:00.000-07:00

You know the feeling you get when you're groping about in the dark? Imagine you're in a big, HUGE place, completely pitch-black darkness and you reach out and try to feel something, anything, trying to grab onto anything but there's nothing.

Or the feeling you get when you try to catch air in your hands? [This one must be on land la, in water you can trap bubbles in the palm of your hand, palms facing downward. I tried. =P]

I feel like that when it comes to my left ear. [It's hearing-impaired, but I can't really hear much so it's kinda almost a deaf ear la] It's something I can't grasp with my hands, this hearing.. thingy. I can't CATCH 'hearing' and put it back in place. This thing is out of my hands. I didn't choose to have this hearing-impairedness.

I sometimes use it[hearing thingy] as an excuse for myself [which is a bad thing heheh]. Like when I don't know how to join in a conversation without being too random, or outta-the-blue. Or when I dunno how to say that I can't really make out what the person's saying without being annoying/rudely interrupting/making it seem like I wasn't really listening in the first place. =/

But it's all good. 'cause I know there's something behind this. There's a biiig plan, that something tiny like my hearing problem will be useful. =) I just don't know what it is yet. Or maybe the plan is already in motion..? I guess.. maybe I'll know what it is later. Heheh. xD

holiday

2009-09-01T02:02:00.000-07:00

Why do I have the feeling that things will not be easy after this? It's like a warning telling me to get ready for something big, or difficult. It's making me wanna just.. I dunno, like work harder while it's not so bad or something. =/

*
*
*
Comic books! I see them everywhere in my room. xD Just the way I like it heh.

Oh Bookfest@Malaysia just finished yesterday!  All the books and stuff.. =)

My idea of a shopping spree. LOL. Kinda la.


Watched 'Up' with lifegroup from church. Movie's niice =P The funny parts are reaally funny, you have to see it to laugh at it. Sad parts are sad too. Graphics! xD Nice day with nice people. =)

grave of the fireflies and watchmen

2009-08-26T11:45:00.000-07:00

Watched 'Grave of the Fireflies'. It's happy and sad and disturbing and touching all at once. It's about war la, so it shouldn't be surprising to see bodies here and there, mutated or not. But still. x(

It's about a young boy and his baby sister who try to survive the war together, with each other only.

When they're happy you feel happy, and when they're sad you'll feel sad, too. It's that kinda movie. Gah I cried. ='( It's kinda sad so if you don't like sad movies don't watch, but the happy parts of the movie are just so... happy! Makes you treasure the good times.

And 'Watchmen'!! I wanna watch again. Nice, complicated story, got twist near end. In the end hard to say who's right and who's wrong. =/ which is good! makes us think LOL.. maybe I'll try and find the comic book, see if it's as nice. Hopefully not expensive. =P but then, usually, good ones are expensive. =X

the comic book

the movie

new look

2009-08-15T08:09:00.000-07:00

Revamped my blog. =)

Got another layout from PYZAM, edited the music playlist and changed my profile a bit.

(Looks at blog. Feels satisfied.)

Will probably stick to this look for some time (..unless I see another layout I like I guess).

'kay, gonna go get a book to read or something. Can snack while reading. =P

the island

2009-08-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

gakk I finally found the movie's name! It's called "The Island".

I watched the beginning part on TV. I remember feeling very depressed watching (there was this bloody scene and all, so yeah heheh). It's about this guy in this closed facility supposedly protecting everyone from some deadly virus and they randomly get chosen to get sent to some paradise called "The Island", but turns out that (SPOILER lol..) ..that they're all clones "bred" so that they can harvest organs, give birth to babies and so on for the people who need or want them I think. I watched until the part where the guy sneaked out of the facility to see what's really going on and he was at this hospital place.. hence the bloody and disturbing scenes =.=" From what I found on imdb.com, he and another girl character try to escape, find their "donors" and stop the whole thing.

Wonder what's the ending. =/ Maybe I'll try watching again next time. Heheh.

the show

2009-08-10T08:23:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post a video of Lenka's The Show, but can't sign in to YouTube at the moment. =( Listen if you can:

With lyrics: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_-qbbCsAeM
Music video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EC76b0VZQog

Lyrics supposed to have a deeper meaning to it. I think. xD

Video games! LOL.

(sorry, being random. =P)

touching

2009-07-13T02:34:00.000-07:00

of headers and heights

2009-07-07T05:47:00.000-07:00

It's weird how some of the best things in life seem to happen by accident.

Like my blog header! =P I didn't exactly intend to take the photo that way, but it turned out to make what I think is a nice blog header. Haha..

Oh ya, that photo was taken in a camp I went last weekend. =D So fun and exciting!! xD Nomad Earth Camp activities are cool! Like caving, pinnacle high ropes(which is inclusive of Flying Fox) and white water rafting[which we didn't get to do because of the dangerous water level as a result of rain =(]. You should try it if you have the chance. Learn to conquer your fears.. =P

Right, need to get back to my research paper. It's due soon. REAL SOON. o.0

other than death

2009-07-01T07:29:00.000-07:00

I looked at my dog. She's got that white colour fur near her mouth and nose. A sign she's old already. =/ (something I learnt from Marley and Me heheh.) She's a black dog, by the way.

=.=" Wanted to type something about death and how it comes to everyone sooner or later and stuff, but dunno how to put it in words. You just get that feeling when you think about it.

Never mind. Anyway, yup, I did watch the movie Marley and Me. I was kinda crying at the end.. (*don't read if you don't wanna know the ending yet!!*) the ending's sad, especially if you like dogs. Marley.. ='(

AND...

I watched Transformers! (the new one: Revenge of The Fallen)

So cool wei! 2-hours-and-a-half long movie and fun all the way! =D For me, la.

Will post a blog post again soon.

hi.

2009-06-18T05:45:00.000-07:00

Mid-terms just around the corner.

Got some studying to do. =)

rule the world

2009-06-14T07:40:00.000-07:00

heard this song while out eating dinner.

(piano!! yay hehe)

had to listen hard to the lyrics, then search for the song on Google. it's what i usually do when i hear a new song that i like. turns out its 'Rule the World' by Take That. =D i put it in on my playlist edi, so u can hear it, see what it's like.

ok, movie review!

My Neighbour Totoro

It's really sweet!! You have to hear it - oops, watch it I mean - in it's original Japanese audio, 'cause one of the reasons i liked it was the laughing and screaming(as in screaming in delight lol.. maybe "squealing" is a better word) of Mei's little sister.and the innocence and all.. you have to watch it to know what i mean.

it's about Mei and her sister who move to a new home with their dad. their mum's in hospital in a nearby town recovering from a sickness. they meet Totoro, who has magical powers and takes care of the land and stuff, and whose home happens to be somewhere at the bottom of their garden(their new home's at the countryside, so lots of trees and fields and everything. very calm and peaceful setting). it's really cute ;)

the movie made me feel light-hearted and happy and smiley after watching. the two girls la, so optimistic and cheerful and cheeky. hahah.. movies from studio ghibli usually nice artwork and animation and all(and original stories too). including this movie.

that's all for this post =)

Hmm.

2009-06-10T04:18:00.000-07:00

Funny.

My passion for writing has emerged again. I'm suddenly writing poems and all. I've even become one of the writers for the college newsletter.

Funny.

Maybe it's a phase. I think I had totally stopped writing for fun for some time, except for English Lit class work last time and English essays (yes, they can be fun too! Especially the story ones.. right, Aveena? =P) and the occasional(with this, I mean, once in a rare while) poem. Okay okay, I guess I hadn't stopped writing totally.

Anyway, it's gotten me thinking. Who knows if I could be writing(or typing for that matter) for a living in the future?

I still wanna be an artist, though.

Guess we shall have to wait and see where this path takes me. =)

Destiny

2009-06-06T08:09:00.000-07:00

By W. Wei Lyn

No matter what happens
Though chatter's still a weapon
I don't pay attention
To the tension
That's running through my head

No way that I'll say
I'll delay my pay
While the day may be gray
I can pay You the praise
The price for praise so small, not like
The Price You paid for us all

We're so small
You're just too tall
All just dust
Trust me,
We've lots of dust and dirt on earth

So all to You my Friend
Since I am a fan
All I am I hand to You
Future in Your hand, that's true
In You I trust, I know it's true
That You are truly true to me
Now I owe You all of me
It's due now, so I'll hurry
Don't worry, You have me
And my faith in destiny

movie mania

2009-05-31T06:19:00.000-07:00

Okaay, it's just weird. The way I update the "Recently.." column in my blog more often that I post new posts, I mean. So I thought, why not post about movies, or music or even books? That way my blog won't be so outdated.

I Not Stupid Too

This is one of my favourite movies! It's about three kids, (two are brothers and the other's a friend) who have problems communicating with their parents/getting them to listen, who in turn don't understand/listen their kids. One set of parents are workaholics, who have twos sons. The oldest teen son (pic, left) never seems to be able to live up to their expectation no matter what he does, and the youngest (pic, centre), who's also the narrator of the movie, just wants them to take some time off to watch him play the lead role in his school concert. The other parent is a single dad who doesn't know how to show his only teenage-rebel son (pic,right) that he loves him, but tries, in his sometimes rough ways.

The all-too-familiar things we go through in secondary school (surprise spot checks, bad grades, disciplinary problems..) are included in the movie. The generation gap can be seen, too, with the parents struggling to keep up with the latest lingo ( like "lame" and "whatever") that young people use nowadays.

I laughed and cried watching this, even though it's my second time. =)

poem

2009-05-13T04:19:00.000-07:00

It's now the second semester of college for me.

Feels like a new year of school. It's probably because of the new subjects we're taking this sem.

For the sake of updating my blog, I've typed out a poem for fun. Enjoy!

POEM: Should I or shouldn't I?
by Wei Lyn

Should I cry on your shoulder?
I carry a boulder
Will you make me bolder
As we grow older?

Should I or shouldn't I?

Should I take the chance?
I'm now in a stance
Before I dance
I give one last glance.

Should I or shouldn't I?

Should I let go?
Oh no, I feel low
For I long to tow
Bow and arrow - like so
It was long ago.

Should I or shouldn't I?

One fine morning

2009-04-15T21:34:00.000-07:00

I tasted something salty.

Realizing it was my sweat, at first I thought, Hey, I really exercised today! Perspire=Exercise.
Then, the thoughts of air pollution, construction work, car exhaust fumes came..

Ptooi!

Ha.

I saw monkeys at the park! A whole family! There was the watchful mother(or father), and the playful little baby monkeys.. they were so cute! There was a pile of thin young branches with leaves, and they were tumbling about in it, or maybe they were looking for food, but they looked cute doing whatever they were doing. Haha.. There was one swinging on the tree! I watched them from far la, wouldn't want to anger or agitate the mommy monkey. When I first jogged past them, they gave me a shock (I didn't see them at first) - they looked like those statues at a temple, sitting on the wall. Too bad I didn't bring my camera. It was a lovely day!

tagged by aveena

2009-04-11T07:26:00.000-07:00

1).Besides your lips , where is the favourite spot to get kissed ?
Cheek? Never thought about it.

2). How did you feel when you woke up this morning ?
Can't remember.

3). Who were the last people you took a photo with ?
Pam, Aveena, Nabila and Asfarina I think. Oh wait, my relatives. =P

4). Would you consider yourself spoiled ?
No.

5). Will you ever donate blood ?
Maybe.

6). Have you ever had a best friend who was of the opposite sex ?
Yeah kinda.

7) Do you want someone to be dead?
No.

8. What does your last text message say ?
"Terima kasih kerana menyertai kempen kami. Nimati RM10 Air Time PERCUMA dari DiGi."

9. What are you thinking right now ?
Letting multiple songs play at one go is not exactly soothing..

1o. Do you want someone to be with you right now ?
Nope, not now la.

11. What was the time you went to bed last night ?
Past midnight.

12. Where did you buy the tee you are wearing now ?
Er.. probably pasar malam.

13. Is someone on your mind right now ?
Nope.

14. Who was the last person(s) who texted you ?
If DiGi counts as a person.. xD

pandan leaves

2009-04-03T02:24:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here trying to remember how many pandan leaves I need to make jelly.

Seriously, I can't remember if it's 4, or 6, or 10. It should be an even number, because I remember the last time we made jelly we put in two knotted... how to say this, pieces? Groups? Never mind, it could very well be an odd number, too.

Sigh.

Was listening to George Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue. I like the piano parts! Now listening to Jai Ho from the movie Slumdog Millionaire.

Just some random stuff.

Movie Music

2009-02-26T22:20:00.000-08:00

The movie Slumdog Millionaire is my current favourite movie! Try giving the movie soundtrack a listen. The first two songs on my playlist are from the movie. Enjoy!

x)

2009-02-16T06:55:00.000-08:00

Wow. I haven't updated this blog for quite a while. Hehe. Been busy.

Mid-term exam's next week, I finally went for my first driving lecture, watched Slumdog Millionare (which is good by the way), am waiting for the rest of my quiz results and just handed in an assignment today.

College is fun! So far. XD

here

2008-12-31T09:37:00.000-08:00

A new year is here.

Happy New Year. =)

something

2008-12-10T01:37:00.000-08:00

I always wanted to post about my hearing-impaired left ear but I didn't know how to start.

I could start by explaining how it came it be like it is now, about the viral infection somewhere in my inner ear which affected the nerves in the cochlea and so on. About the day I had to brush my teeth sitting down because of the loss of balance and all, and how I realized a little too late that I had hearing loss.

Or, I could begin with sharing how, in noisy, crowded areas, I would hardly be able to hear what the person, or people, on my left is saying to me. Or maybe hear nothing at all, which would explain why I'm sometimes the quiet one in the group.

I could even tell you about this ongoing faith inside of me, believing that one day, in His own time, a miraculous recovery would take place. Believing that the Healer will do what He does best, when He thinks it's best. Or rather, when He knows it's best.

I just didn't know how to start.

Now I have. At least, you know a little more about my hearing thing now.

I realized that I am blessed with many friends who have the patience to deal with my never-ending "Whats" and "Sorry, I couldn't hear yous".

I also realized that it is easier for me to understand those who have hearing loss because of my own hearing loss, so it has to be a good thing.

It would be nice to learn the sign language. It looks hard but I think I wouldn't mind giving it a try if I had the chance to learn.

It's something.

in awe

2008-10-18T23:46:00.000-07:00

I watched Andrea Bocelli sing that day. Not live, but on DVD. I think watching him sing leaves a big impression on me.

To those of you who do not know, Andrea Bocelli is blind.

I know, there are other great singers who are blind, too. There's Stevie Wonder!

I guess these kind of people do leave a big impression on me. They are blind, but they can still sing, laugh, play the piano, communicate with their audience, share a joke, smile, laugh and smile again.

When I was watching Andrea Bocelli perform in front of a live audience, on DVD, all I could think of was how happy and content he seemed.

I mean, he did not choose to be sulky and be angry at the world. He does not seem to be asking, "Why? Why am I blind, of all people? Why me?". Instead he is out there singing his heart out for a live audience who just loves him! I just felt a little emotional when I saw one part where some of the audience gave him a standing ovation. He couldn't see them! He could hear them clapping and whistling, but he couldn't see just how much they admired and loved him for what he does best. He probably felt it, instead of seeing it, I guess.

He is blind, but he is living life as if he is not. I think that is what I am learning from him. Instead of harping on and on about being blind, never being able to see anything, ever, he is letting his awesome talent, his singing, to reach out and touch people from all around the world, and have fun doing it.

It just makes me go.. Wow.

a salute.

2008-08-28T22:15:00.000-07:00

I seriously don't know how to put this in words.

There is just this feeling inside me that I want to express.

It is this.

Respect.

I look up to those who own great wisdom.

Those who build it, ever so discreetly, right from scratch, to prove others wrong, and to be the source of motivation to others.
Those who flaunt it, not to boast and brag, but rather, to share it with the world.
Those who conceal it, tucked neatly beneath their wings, only to spread them wide and shock the nations when the time calls for its use.

I look up to those with great perseverance.

Those who don't let anything get in their way of their dreams.
Those who fight, whether standing, falling or have fallen in battle.
Those who smile fighting, taking in every single second of it, good or bad.
Those who never fail to give it their all.

I look up to those with a great passion.

Those who fuel their love into what they love to.
Those who do the things they do, and do it superbly, until it seems like they were born to do it.
Those who somehow stop time and make others hear, see, feel and taste what they have to show and tell the world.
Those who make others want to be just like them.

And finally,

I look up to Him, who has the greatest gift of all.

The gift He wants each and every one of us to have.
The gift that will eventually lead us to everlasting life.
The gift that required a sacrifice, with blood shed so that our hearts could be clean, that we could go to heaven and meet Him when the times comes.
The gift of Love.

waking up

2008-08-02T04:17:00.000-07:00

I have forgotten my promise to the gentle auntie.

"Work hard, yea?"

What have I been doing? Seriously, I don't know how I managed to not do too well in my revision this year. SPM la, hallo?? What happened? Where'd all the determination and drive go? Since when did this way-too-calm state of mind kick in?

You could say that I'm now coming to my senses. Or at least, trying to. And I had better, too, because we SPM students have only, like - what, 3 months -plus? - to our examination. And trials is just around the corner.

I am definitely learning from this whole experience. The examinations, the responsibilites, the homework, the time management.. Yeah, sure it can be stressful, what with late nights and all, but how else am I going to learn all the values and lessons in life?

I'm just glad I got the determination back. I want to do this. To try my very best. Yes, it is only examinations, good grades, scholarships and such, but I want to give it my best shot. I suddenly want to give my best try in everything.

Like during the competition. We lost, but I left the field grinning like mad. It was the best I've ever played in my life. I didn't regret anything, not at all. Now it's a beautiful memory. Yes, even with the mud, torn shoes (yep, both sides) and all.

I want it to be just like that. To give my all, and to look back with that inexplicable, super-satisfied feeling.

Well, I'd better get started. Right now. If not, then, when? =)

2008-07-11T05:09:00.000-07:00

Just a few random things. =)

The song 'Feels Like Tonight' by Daughtry was playing in my head during the English Literature exam.

Music is cool! It can speak volumes.

I think that Maksim is really talented!

I like Krystal Meyers' songs! Namely Beauty of Grace and Hallelujah. ..and songs by Fireflight too. Think Unbreakable and You Decide. I think they're pretty cool!

I want to make an impact. I want to make people go 'Wow!', 'Awesome!', 'That's good stuff!' and maybe even 'It has changed my life for the better!' .

Music is definitely a good way to connect with people, to spread messages and awareness as well as to entertain others for the love of it. Art, too!

That reminds me, I still have my Pen. Seni Paper 1 exam to sit for next week. Ehehehe.

Smile.

change

2008-06-24T03:46:00.000-07:00

"Know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon...everything's different. "
- Calvin from Calvin and Hobbes

We grow up, we mature, we.. change. There's always something unique we go through each day, each second even, that makes us who we are now. The ups, the downs, the in-betweens. The memories of the past, the happenings of the present, the anticipation of what's coming next. The people we meet, see or hear about. Our beliefs, thoughts and opinions. We are who we are now. We might not be the same tomorrow, the day after, a decade later.. A century might a bit too far ahead. grins. I just want to say out loud and proud, that I am happy and blessed to be who I am, to be where I am and to be here. I'm glad to have met all the people I have known and befriended throughout my lifetime, each and everyone of them, and it doesn't matter if I know them well or not. If you're reading this, and you know me, and I know you, then, thank you! wide grin. I'm glad to have learnt the lessons I have learnt and to have felt the many experiences in life, no matter how happy, sad, painful, emotional, exciting, scary or anything it is. laughs. A big thank you to The One above for making me who I am today! Whatever changes we went through, are going through or are about to go through, hopefully, it'll brings us all to the right place at the right time in the end. =)

now

2008-05-27T20:33:00.000-07:00

dreaming. a note. a sound. what is it? another. and another. which is it? place one after another, and another. there's a melody! repeat. repeat. add another note. another melody or two. dreamy. ongoing, non-stopping. beauty to the ears. lost in a trance. a song. what was it? who cares? it's here. it's now. doing. hearing. feeling. fingers do the thinking.

holding. comfort. unwilling to let go. plain white. blank. stare. touch. a dot. swing. a line. sketch. a form. a thing. it's there in your mind. calm. it evolves, growing into something more solid, more accurate. oops. erase. no, not like this! erase. finishing touch. joy. it's done. satisfaction. inspiration. motivation. still clutching. still holding on. plain white. lead? got it. and, again.

pressing. right leg, left leg. ahead, a slope. no. eyes wide in bewilderment. determination. forward. press right. press left. slow? press harder! right. left. weak. ache. struggle. yell! don't stop yet! hang in there! falling. falling backwards. stumble. exhaustion. feet on the ground. stop. you gave your all. good. off the bike. look back. achievement.

twitching. restlessness. eyes dart from one to another. it's goes far, it comes near. we're many. we're alert. we want it. it's coming! eyes wide open. hands outstretched. either receive or deflect. too fast! phoom! ow. burning sensation at the palm of my hand. i grab it. we have it! it goes into another set of our hands. relief. not lasting. anticipation once more. restlessness returns. gloves, check. we can do this.

panting. steady. focus on it. arms in ready mode. legs prepared to spring in whatever direction. sweat dripping from the side of your forehead. shirt drenched with sweat. there it goes! high up in the air. keeping eyes on target, swing back an arm, slam! it drops to the ground with speed. it's in! cheer. fiddling racket in hand. grinning.

mr potato

2008-04-05T04:32:00.000-07:00

Okay, of all the times to think of snacking on some potato chips, this is really a bad time. Right now, I should be going healthy, eating my vegetables and fruits and drinking lots of water and stuff. But nooo... Mr Potato Chip just had to flitter and flutter about in my head, chuckling, saying 'Haha, you can't eat me, you can't eat me!' over and over again. Nice. Very nice, Mr Potato Chip. Just when I want the sour salty taste of the tomato-flavoured potato chips..

Who goes around thinking about potato chips right after they've recovered from dengue fever, eh? Actually, potato chips wasn't the first thing on my mind when we left the hospital. It was char kuey teow. Gaaah... and to think we drove all the way there from the hospital to eat it fresh and hot... The place had to be closed. Hehe.. Oh well.

I got to eat mashed potatoes. =D

of kari laksa, raindrops, mud, and easter

2008-03-23T08:04:00.000-07:00

Kari laksa. Oh, it tasted so good! Maybe it was because I was starving after handball practice in the morning, or maybe it was the the kari laksa that tasted yummy! Mmm.. Hot, fresh, kari laksa served in the early afternoon after some body and brain workout in the morning...

Raindrops. Has this ever happened to you before? You are standing in an open area. You see rain in the distance. In the distance! You can literally see the blanket of rain coming towards you. Panic. Where's an umbrella when you need one? 'Oh wait, you have one? Quick! Quick! Open it! It's coming! Aaaah!'. Heavy drops of rain fall right at your feet as you laughingly dash under the shelter of an umbrella in the nick of time and hurry to your destination with your pal whom you just shared the second exciting experience of having rain 'move' towards you.

Mud. Tis' the season to be rain-y.. Out in the field, we never anticipated the rain. Not until the clouds rolled in. It began to drizzle. We carried on. The drops became heavier. No thunder. No lightning flash. Should be safe to carry on. Little by little, our shirts got soaked through. What a feeling! I cannot remember the last time I played in the rain. But I definitely remember the last time my feet squished mud. Fun!

Easter. I have been reminded once. Twice. Thrice, maybe more. Yet, why do I keep forgetting the significance of Easter? It's about Jesus Christ. It's to remind us of the time He rose from the dead after three days. It's to remind us that we have a God who loves us.

Happy Easter.

piano

2008-03-10T22:26:00.000-07:00

I love playing the piano. Too bad I only realised this AFTER I stopped my lessons. Once, practising was chore. I found it tiring to play the hard parts of a song again and again. As soon as I was done practising it 5 times a day as requested, I'd jump off the chair and head off to do something else. Now, I realised I should've looked at it positively. Practice makes perfect.

Have you heard 'Flight of the Bumblebee' on piano? It's really fast. Just imagine how much practice it would take to master that song. See, if I had realised how important all this was earlier, I would've progressed so much more. Better late than never, I guess.

Did I tell you that I love playing the piano? ..though it's kinda sad I can only play two songs by memory. By memory. How I admire those who can play by ear. Maybe I'll take the effort to learn later. For now, I'll just try to put as much feeling into the songs I play. At least, as much as I'm able to. I'm not an excellent pianist or anything.

Looks like I'm going to have to clip my nails more often. You wouldn't wanna hear the annoying clickety-clack when playing the piano.

love

2008-01-01T22:57:00.000-08:00

I shook her hand and wished her a 'Happy New Year'. She gently held both of mine, and gave me a kind smile. Her hands felt soft and smooth, surprisingly. Usually a lady her age would have skin that's wrinkly and thin, or perhaps fragile. Not her. I could see the sincerity in her eyes when she said, "Make sure you work hard, yeah?". I nodded. "Promise me, okay?", she added. I nodded again. I left, feeling somewhat touched by her words of advice and encouragement.

Hey, I did not know this kind lady. At least, I thought I didn't, until I found out that she knew me when I was just a kid. I don't even remember all that, but who would've thought that somewhere, around 10 years later, we would cross paths once more and maybe even leave a mark in each others' lives?

This may sound a little lame, but isn't that, like, cool? I'm serious. It all felt like a scene from a movie or something.

Whatever. I am going to take her advice to heart and strive to work harder. To be better. Hopefully, to become the best I can be. I gotta try. I know I can do it, with His help, of course. Who? God. Who else?

Now that I'd mentioned it, I think that He's the one behind it all. He probably made it in such a way that I'm destined to hear the lady's words, to be encouraged, to feel.. I don't know, re-energized, somehow?

It is the start of a new year. A whole new beginning. A whole lot to look forward to. Whatever it is, I can't wait.

What's the purpose of it all? [What I believe.]

2007-12-03T21:53:00.000-08:00

It just gets harder.

No, its true. You think high school is hard? Wait 'till you leave and go to college. You'll have to be independent, regardless of your experience back in high school. If you're prepared, good. If not, you're expected to be. Otherwise, it's going to be hard.

It just gets harder.

After college/uni/etc, you're probably going to work. Maybe get a job someplace. When you do, usually you start from the bottom. Then, you work your way up. Whether you actually move up or fall down low depends on you.

It just gets harder.

Anything could happen in the future. You could get married, have children and maybe even grandchildren. You could become a lonely, grumpy old person who lives all alone in a huge mansion. No matter what, with all your experience, education and life's lessons put together, you hope and strive for the best in life anyway. You discover new things, whether good or bad. But, at the end of it all, what's the point? What's the purpose of it all? Do we just live to die? What happens after that?

This is where God comes in. He created us, see? So He must have a reason for making us live our lives here on the earth. He must have a reason for making our lives more challenging as we grow older and wiser. There has to be a reason for all this. And there must be something after all of this ends, right?

He is preparing us. I believe that God sent His one and only Son to die for us on the cross so that we can all go to heaven to live happily ever after. [This is only if you sincerely choose to believe.] I believe in His love, and therefore, I love God for what He has done for us. I believe that we are here to tell others about Him, His great love [He sacrificed His one and only Son for us, man!] and that He wants us to go live together in heaven forever and ever.. but not before carrying out our purpose in life. And that is to tell others about Him. About His love. To share His love. It's going to be hard; not everyone knows God, not everyone loves Him, some don't wish to believe that a God like him exists.

But oh well. This is what I believe. And at least, I know my life's purpose. So when it gets hard, I remember Him, and His love for us, and somehow, it gets easier.

frustration

2007-09-08T21:38:00.000-07:00

'Hearing isn't the same as listening.'
What do you think of that comment? I think that it is so very true. Why? You hear noises. You hear sounds. When you hear, it means that you are not deaf. Your hearing ability is your ability to receive sound waves. When you are deaf, you can't hear. Talking won't be a suitable means of communication then, unless you can lip read.

Let's say you heard your teacher or lecturer go on and on about something insignificant. You're right there in the classroom. Yes, you hear the boring words and noises.

But are you really listening?

A deaf person can't hear, but he can listen. All he has to do is understand. A good listener is one who can understand what the 'speaker' is trying to say, whether he is using words, sign language, gestures or symbols.

That is why I feel that hearing and listening have different meanings.

This is just my opinion.

So next time someone 'talks' to you, check yourself to see if you're just hearing, or listening as well.

Snap. Click. One beautiful photograph.

2007-06-27T03:22:00.000-07:00

I just LOVE taking photographs! Especially those of beautiful sunsets or sunrise [but I haven't taken any sunset photos, as far as I can remember.] Take a look at the photo below, for example. That was taken early in the morning, when the sun was rising. I love the warm, orange-y colour!

Now, now, blue skies are beautiful too. It depends. Like, in Australia[somewhere during spring or summer], if you look up towards the sky you'll see a clear, blue[and I mean VERY blue] sky, cloudless and empty, it makes you feel amazed to just stare at it. Oh, no worries, we have our beautiful blue skies right here in Malaysia as well. Have a looksie at the photo below.

Okay, fine, it isn't clear blue skies, but, still, I agree that a picture says a thousand words, and this one says a storm is coming!

I like photography, but I like drawing and comics even more, so, yeah. Hehe.. I love art!

First and foremost

2007-06-08T04:00:00.000-07:00

Boo! Heheh. My very first blog post ever! Nyahahaha.. I'm new at this blogging stuff, so don't mind me. ^^

Right. Am fiddling here and there with the settings, trying to figure out what is where and how and all. Anyone care to share some tips?